


Eat, Pray...Love?

by Cococonut



Series: Shadow Play [3]
Category: The Boys (TV 2019)
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Love, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:33:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28587273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cococonut/pseuds/Cococonut
Summary: “I will talk to her. I just need to figure out the best way to tell Kimiko that I’m going to fuck this up, just like everything else I touch.”
Relationships: The Female | Kimiko Miyashiro & The Frenchman, The Female | Kimiko Miyashiro/The Frenchman
Series: Shadow Play [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2074914
Kudos: 15





	Eat, Pray...Love?

**Author's Note:**

> I’d like to thank Tomer Capon’s face, with a special shout out to his cheekbones and eyelashes for inspiring this story.

_Serge_

“Fucking finally.”

“Huh?”

Cherie grins. “You fucked her. Kimiko.”

“I would not say it like that… But yes.”

“Is it as good as what you’ve been wet dreaming about all these months?” she purrs, running a black-lacquered fingernail down my chest. 

Before she can go any lower, I twist out of reach. She laughs.

“Maybe...it could be fun if I joined you two?”

I can’t tell if this is a joke. Knowing Cherie, probably not.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Pumpkin.”

“Why not?”

“Too complicated. You and her are friends. Kind of.”

“That never stopped you before? Remember my friend Charlotte?”

I remember Charlotte. But just barely. I was out of my mind on god knows what when we’d hooked up. What I do remember is this girl showed up at the apartment with basically a suitcase of sex toys that put our collection to shame.

“I just can’t, okay?”

“Holy shit. I never thought I’d live to see the day.” She laughs.

“What?”

“You, turning down a threesome.”

I can’t say the idea doesn’t turn me on. I would have said yes in a heartbeat, if Kimiko was into it of course. But this is too messy, even for me. 

“I just...want to take it slow.”

I turn my eyes back to Sophia, my levain, which I’d been tending to before Cherie had arrived. I weigh out two portions and set them aside for later. 

Cherie sits down at the counter. She pulls out a cigarette and I light it for her. 

“You know, I was like, 99% sure that this was just a forbidden fruit thing.”

I shoot her a quizzical look.

“Here’s this mysterious pretty girl that you rescue from a dungeon who can’t talk, so you can project whatever you want on her. I couldn’t have imagined a more perfect dream girl for you.”

“Cherie, not this again—“

She holds up a hand. “I’m not done. This whole time, I’d thought, ‘he just wants to bang her.’ I figured once the inevitable happened and you two finally give in to all that sexual tension, maybe you’d be back to your old tricks.”

“My old tricks?” I spit out. 

“Calm down, Romeo. You were always more of the love ‘em and leave ‘em type. Don’t pretend otherwise.”

I shrug. 

“And the Serge I know is kinky as hell. You would never have turned down a ménage a trois.”

“What is this? Are you testing me?”

“No. The offer stands. Kimiko’s hot. I wouldn’t mind seeing what all the fuss is about. And we’ve always had fun, eh Pumpkin?”

“We’ve had some good times.” 

Bad times too. A lot of fights. Broken furniture. Cherie’s a screamer when she gets mad enough. I’ve still got scars from when she scratched me with those nails during a particularly bad argument.

“But it’s not like that with her, is it?” she asks softly.

I scoop out a bit of flour to feed Sophia. And then add some water and stir. 

“It’s different.”

“Just romantic, candlelit, vanilla sex for you two, eh?”

“Fuck off.”

“You two going steady yet?”

“We have not talked about that.”

“What are you waiting for?”

“The right time.”

Cherie considers this. “Are you worried she’ll change her mind?”

I don’t even know if Kimiko has made up her mind about me. It all feels too new, too fragile. “I’m trying not to assume things anymore.”

“Then talk to her. You learned a whole language for the girl. And now she can finally speak. What’s stopping you?”

Communication between Kimiko and I has been a paradox. She couldn’t tell me her name or who she was for the longest time. But some things, the real human things, didn’t need to be said out loud to be understood. She and I, underneath it all, we are the same. 

The sex is the easy part, it turns out. Giving pleasure. That I know how to do. But somehow I got to thirty-something years old and I’d still never been in a relationship with just one person. I don’t know how to do this and it terrifies me.

“I will talk to her. I just need to figure out the best way to tell Kimiko that I’m going to fuck this up, just like everything else I touch.”

“Serge, honey, what are you—“

“Oh and to top it off, I’m a junkie ex-prostitute. Perhaps with a bit of bipolar in the mix. Will you be my girlfriend? Not exactly Prince Charmant.”

Cherie’s face softens. She strokes my cheek. 

“Oh Pumpkin… That’s simply not true.”

“Which part? It’s all true.” I push up my sleeves, so she can see my old, fucked up veins.

“You’re clean now.”

“Mostly.”

“And you did what you had to do to survive. We all did. Nobody’s going to judge you. Kimiko wouldn’t.”

“She doesn’t know.”

“Then tell her.”

“What if I tell her...and she can’t look at me the same way?”

“Serge, we all have pasts.”

“Some more than others.”

“Yes. And she’s no angel.”

Is she not? She has a past, sure. But Kimiko was forced into that life. She is an innocent victim. 

“Just talk to her. You’re doing it again. Assuming you know how she feels. Whatever is happening between the two of you, you can’t expect to build anything if you can’t be honest with each other.”

I let out a frustrated laugh. Cherie doesn’t get it. How can I explain it? I push Sophia toward her. 

“Do you know what this is?”

Cheri lets out an exasperated sigh. “You bake bread with it?”

“This is Sophia, my levain, my sourdough starter. I’ve been feeding her for four years now. And in return, she provides me with the most delicious pain de campagne this side of the Atlantic.”

Cherie rolls her eyes. “Serge, stop trying to change the subject.”

“I’m not. I can go a long time without feeding her, and Sophia is strong, she bounces right back. But when I first began, she was very delicate. If I forgot about her for a few days, she would grow listless. And I’d try to make it up to her, nurse her back to health with the finest artisanal, organic flour, but it took forever to get back the progress we’d made. At times I thought I’d lost her completely. I had to be very careful, very precise, or it would all fall apart.”

“Unbelievable. Are you seriously comparing your relationship with Kimiko to your sourdough starter?”

“Oui.”

“You’re insane, Pumpkin.”

“Peut etre. I’m just saying, telling her about my past is like dropping a fucking bomb on this relationship before it’s even started.”

“You may have just started sleeping together, but your relationship has been going on a lot longer than that. I don’t think it’s as fragile as you think. And it’s not true, the other thing you said. Not everything you touch turns to dust. Look at me. You saved my life, you kept me out of prison.”

“You wouldn’t have been in that position if I hadn’t roped you into robbing those banks.”

She waves me away. “As if. Nobody held a gun to my head.”

Look at her. I’d been so wrapped up in my own shit, and then Kimiko came along… I kind of neglected Cherie. Not that she needs anything from anyone, but I haven’t been around as much as I’d been before.

“Cherie, I have not treated you as well as I should have.”

“It’s a two-way street, Sweetie. Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you feel sorry for me. I’m good. I’m really good.”

“I changed the rules on us without telling you.”

“We never made any promises. We were free. Not gonna lie and say I wasn’t a little pissed off at you. But actually, I think we both needed a change.”

“Vraiment?”

I begin to weigh out enough flour for two loaves of bread. I’ll start the dough now and then let them rise overnight and then bake in the morning.

“We were talking last week, me and Kimiko. And she asked me what I was doing with my life. I’ve been thinking about that a lot.” Cherie says. 

“What did you say? Oh by the way, I can drop off a fresh boule for you tomorrow morning.”

“I wasn’t sure at the time. But then I realized that I’d never really thought that far in advance. I got in the habit of just putting one foot in front of the other, with no end destination. That was fine when we were feral 22-year-olds. But now…? That’s the reason I’m here, actually. I wanted to tell you I’m going away for a while.”

“Cherie, are you okay? Are you in trouble?”

“I’m fine. I just need to try something new. Figure out what I want.”

That stops me in my tracks. “How long will you be gone?”

“I don’t know. I’ve just had enough of this city and all of its dirt and stink and assholes on every corner.”

“Where will you go?”

“Everywhere. I’m going to start in Bali. Eat, pray, love.” She laughs. “And then after that? Who knows?” 

“When are you leaving?”

“Tonight.”

I stare at her. “Fucking hell. Why? Why so soon?”

“I've got nothing keeping me here.”

“You have me.”

I mean it. But we both know it’s not entirely true anymore. Cherie is not one for emotional displays. Between the two of us, I was always the crier, but her eyes are damp now. 

“At least stay for the bread. It will be spectacular.”

“I know, pumpkin.”

“Do you need anything? Money?”

“No. I’ve got enough to keep me going for a while.”

“There’s not enough time to say goodbye.” I say. 

“Pumpkin, no goodbyes, okay? I’ll be back before you know it.”

She leans in for a hug and I hold her, breathing in her familiar scent—sandalwood, cloves, and American Spirits— for maybe the last time. Fuck. She’s the closest thing I have to family and god knows when I’ll see her again. 

“Remember what I said, okay? It’s going to be okay. I want you to be happy. You deserve happiness. We all do. Take care of yourself, Serge.”

She gives me one last chaste kiss on the lips and then she is gone. 

—-

“Where’s your girlfriend?” M.M. asks, looking around the apartment. 

“She’s in class. And she is not my girlfriend.”

Kimiko has been taking English classes at a community center. She’s already pretty much fluent when it comes to speaking, but she’s trying to improve her reading and writing skills. 

“Unbelievable.”

“What?”

“After all these months I’ve watched you pine for this girl? You’re telling me you’re still doing your bohemian I-don’t-believe-in-monogamy bullshit? Jesus Christ, Frenchie!”

“No, of course not!”

“You better not play Kimiko like that. Or I’ll have to knock some sense into you.”

“What the fuck, M.M?”

“She’s like a little sister to me. I care about Kimiko. And I thought you cared about her too.”

“I do care about Kimiko!”

“Then why is she not your girlfriend?”

“We haven’t talked about labels yet.”

“Are you seriously trying to play it cool Frenchie? Don’t you think it’s a little late for that?”

I roll my eyes. “I’m not trying to ‘play it cool.’ We just haven’t talked about it yet. It’s new, okay?”

M.M. eyes me with suspicion. I hate when he gets so sanctimonious. 

“Here.”

I slide the boule over to him. It’s still emanating some residual heat from the oven. 

“Pain de campagne. Freshly baked. It’s delicious with butter and a little fleur de sel sprinkled on top.”

“Damn Frenchie. This smells amazing. Perfect timing too. We’ve been doing low carb, but today is me and Monique’s cheat day. Thanks, man.”

“De rien. Enjoy your cheat day.”

“Oh believe me, I will.”

“I don’t know how you do it,” I say, shaking my head. “Live your life without bread. What is the point?”

“Could you be a bigger French cliché?”

“Oui, perhaps I’m a bit of a cliché, but the point is true, nonetheless. Bread is one of the greatest pleasures in life. It’s like living without sex. You could not make me give it up if you held a gun to my head.”

“Well, not everyone can rely on an amphetamine habit to stay slim. Some of us have to actually watch what we eat.”

“But is it worth it?”

“Yeah. It is. I’m trying to stay healthy for as long as I can so I can see my kid grow up. If that means a few sacrifices along the way, it’s worth it. Ah don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“You think I’m a square-ass motherfucker.”

“Your words, not mine.”

“Look. I could eat whatever the fuck I want and then go out and fuck anything that moves, but at the end of the day—what I want, what I really want, is my beautiful wife and child.”

“You are just so wholesome, M.M.” I give his cheek a pinch, which I know he hates. He tries to swat at me but I duck out of the way.

“Maybe you should give it a go. The one drug you haven’t tried,” he says.

“What is that?”

“Monogamy.”

“Not this again.”

“So, you’re okay with Kimiko sleeping with other dudes?”

“If that’s what she wants.” 

He shakes his head. “You kinky motherfucker.” He laughs. “That turned you on, didn’t it?”

I shrug. The thought of Kimiko with anyone else makes my blood boil, even if that rage is mixed with a little arousal. 

“I do not control her. I just want her to be happy. Even if it’s not with me.”

“It’s not about control, Frenchie. Is that what you’ve got in your head this whole time?”

“Well...yes? What else is it?”

He sighs. “You think Monique controls me?”

“Bien sur.”

“I knew you’d say that. It’s not about control.”

“Could’ve had me fooled.”

“Frenchie, man, love is a verb. It’s an action. Every day, I make the choice to love my wife. And every day, she makes the choice to love me. We choose each other. I don’t take that for granted. Ever. Not when we decided to be exclusive. Not when she agreed to marry me. I know that this,” he points at his ring finger, “is no guarantee.”

“But one mistake — it could just fall apart.”

“That’s the risk you take.”

“Then what is the point? If it’s all going to fall apart anyway?”

“Spoken like a nihilistic motherfucker.”

“I’m serious. What if I fuck up?”

“Oh you will. There’s no doubt about that.”

“And then what? It’s over.”

“You apologize. You work through it. And if you’re lucky, she takes you back.”

And what of my fuck ups in the past? No amount of apology can ever atone for those sins. That’s the real problem. There’s this stain upon my soul that I can never cleanse myself of. And as soon as she realizes who I am, she’ll want nothing to do with me. I need a distraction. This is too much right now. 

“You want to try this?”

“Hell yeah.”

I cut a few thick slices of bread. The crust makes the most satisfying crunch as the knife goes through it, hot steam escaping into the air. 

I pull the compound butter from the fridge and place it and a little bowl of Maldon salt in front of M.M. He’s keeping his cool, but I can tell he’s practically salivating. He takes that first bite and lets out a moan. 

“C’est bon?”

“Holy fuck, Frenchie. You’re in the wrong business. And what is in this butter? I’m getting some deep umami notes...it tastes...briny, like the ocean?”

“You have an excellent palate Monsieur Lait. That’s nori compound butter. Kimiko made it. It’s genius, no?”

“You should marry her.”

Kimiko’s standing in the doorway, a few bags and a bouquet of bodega flowers in her arms.

“Speak of the devil,” M.M. says.

I take the groceries and backpack from her and give her a peck on the cheek. 

“She is no devil. Isn’t that right, mon ange?”

She laughs and tugs my earring. I’m pretty sure she heard the tail end of our conversation, but her face reveals nothing.

“Hi M.M.”

“Hey Kimiko. Girl, this nori butter is amazing.” 

He’s already on to his second slice. I have a feeling the loaf will be half gone by the time Monique gets to it. 

“Thanks. How are you?”

She digs around for something to put the flowers in, and settles on an empty glass jar. 

“I’m doing well. Enjoying these carbs. Just came by to drop off this.” 

He places a USB drive on the table. 

“Call me paranoid. It just seemed safer to give this to you in person. But, I actually have to go now—I promised Monique I’d take her out to brunch and I’ve got to get home before the sitter arrives. I’ll see y’all next week. Thanks for the bread, Frenchie. Remember what we talked about, man.” 

After he leaves, Kimiko finishes arranging the flowers and sets them directly in the middle of the work table. She smiles at me, her dimples showing, daring me to protest. As if I could ever.

“Tres jolie.”

“I thought they’d look nice next to your blow torch.”

“I meant you. But oui, the flowers are pretty too.”

——

Out of nowhere, Billy Butcher ambushes me. 

“I hear you and Kimiko are on the outs?”

“What? No, of course not. What are you talking about?”

“Look, I like Kimiko. She’s strong, fast, and deadly. All the qualities you’d look for in a bird. Easy on the eyes, too. She’s—“

“Hey, you better watch it,” I threaten. 

“Best to not get tied down. That’s what I always say.”

“You were married, Butcher.”

“And look at me now. A sad, miserable old cunt. Take it from me Frenchie, it’s not worth it. Have a bit of fun and don’t make any promises. Plenty of other fish in the sea.”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but she and I are not ‘on the outs.’ We are fine. Better than fine.”

“Plus, there’s the not-so-little issue of you two being coworkers as well. Always a bad idea to mix work and pleasure. Take our Hughie, for example. The poor bloke keeps getting into trouble with Starlight. Can’t keep his priorities straight.”

“I’m right here, Butcher. I can hear everything you’re saying.” Hughie pipes in from his spot on the sofa.

“Right. Now, if Hughie didn’t have his nose so far up Starlight’s Lycra-clad bum and bugged her phone when I’d told him to, who knows where we’d be now.”

“If it weren't for Annie, we wouldn’t have gotten that first sample of Compound V.” Hughie retorts. “And I’d probably be dead.”

Butcher continues on as if Hughie hadn’t spoken. “Not to mention the fact that when you two break up—and that’s ‘when’ and not ‘if,’ because believe me, it always ends. What then? You’ve got a vengeful supe who works for Vought on the loose. What’s stopping your dear Starlight from turning crazy ex-girlfriend on us after you break up?”

I roll my eyes. I suspect he’s been planning to get me and Hughie in the same room so he could give us this speech at the same time. Typical Butcher. 

“And you,” he says, pointing a finger in my chest. “No offense mate, but with your track record, the odds don’t look too favorable. The Frenchie I know would fuck anything that moves. And now you’re ready to settle down, like you’re M.M. or something?”

“Oh fuck off, Butcher. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Wait a minute,” Hughie interjects. “You were totally for Frenchie and Kimiko getting together. You bet me $200 that they would ‘shag’ right when they moved in together.”

“Well, I thought about it and had a change of heart. What happens when you and Kimiko break up? Are you going to keep working together?”

I had not thought that far ahead. I don’t want to think about that. 

“And I’ve said this before but it bears repeating— if it ends badly, you’re not dealing with potentially crazy exes. No, you’ve got crazy supe exes. Might I remind you Frenchie, that the first day we laid eyes on her, we saw a bloke voluntarily swallow a bullet, rather than subject himself to whatever your girl had planned for him. And Hughie, are you willing to risk Starlight blowing your lights out?”

“Annie would never do that.”

“He has a point,” I say.

“Wait, what?” Hughie says, confused. 

“I’m glad one of you still has some sense.” Butcher says, smugly.

“It’s true, it could end badly and they could turn on us. But that’s true of any of us, not just Kimiko and Starlight. Let’s say one day you lose your mind, Butcher. With your track record, no offense, it would not be the biggest surprise. There’s no reason why you could not, say, lure me and Petit Hughie here under false pretenses and then blow us up with a bomb. Or perhaps slip something in our drinks?”

Hughie looks at his half-drunk glass of Coca Cola. I hold up a hand.

“Do not worry Petit Hughie, this is purely hypothetical.”

“Now look here, Frenchie. You know that’s a pretty unlikely scenario.”

“Is it?”

“Of course. You know me. I’m a goddamned Spice Girl.”

—-

I was wrong. I thought the ideal situation was waking up to someone new every day. No strings. No promises. I didn’t know it could be like this. Waking up to her in my bed. Feeling her warm body in my arms, so soft. She’s so small, so delicate looking, and yet so strong. 

I slowly slide my hand under her shirt, my shirt. I fucking love when she wears my clothes. I trail my fingers along her narrow waist, cupping her breast and playing with her nipple until I feel it harden under my finger tips. Then I trail my hand lower still until I reach the promised land. 

She begins to stir now. She parts her thighs so I can touch her. I massage her gently, and when she begins to make the most delicious sounds, I slip my fingers inside her.

“Mon coeur, you are so wet.”

“Please,” she gasps. 

I don’t need to be told twice. I slide down the bed and bury my face between her legs. Fuck me. It’s so good. The taste of her on my lips, her velvet skin, the sounds she is making. It’s so hot I could come right now, just from fucking her with my mouth. 

“I want you inside me...”

I flip her on to her stomach and lift her hips up to meet mine. And then it’s the slowest, most exquisite torture as I slide into her heat. Something I hadn’t expected before, all those times I’d imagined fucking her, was the sounds she’d make. Kimiko is very vocal and it’s so fucking hot. She’s not shy about telling me, showing me, exactly what she wants.

M.M. was wrong. It’s not entirely about control. I don’t think Kimiko is consciously doing anything, but I am hopelessly in thrall to this woman. It’s not just the sex. Even though that is a revelation. It’s something deeper, beyond physical pleasure. It feels as inevitable as gravity. I’d do anything, give up anything, shoot myself in the head if she asked me to. And I’d do it gladly. 

He’s wrong about another thing. I have not chosen anything. There was never a choice. Not for me.


End file.
